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PUNS, JOKES and FUNNIES....
- PUNS, JOKES and FUNNIES....
-
PUNS, JOKES and FUNNIES....
praise_yeshua > 02-18-2020, 07:31 PM
I admit, I really like a good laugh.....
Here goes. Nothing original....
1. People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.....
2. I asked my 18 brothers and sisters "What do you think our parents did before the internet?"
3. I told my wife that she should embrace her mistakes.... she gave me a HUGE hug.... -
RE: PUNS, JOKES and FUNNIES....
aleshanee > 02-19-2020, 07:48 AM
what;s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?..... .....
one is really heavy...... .. but the other is a little lighter........
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RE: PUNS, JOKES and FUNNIES....
aleshanee > 02-20-2020, 06:08 PM
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RE: PUNS, JOKES and FUNNIES....
aleshanee > 02-26-2020, 10:52 PM
this one is actually a kids joke..... ..in fact... it was a kid who told it to me..... it;s silly and kinda long.... but trust me you will laugh at the end......
........ ...... ........ .......
everyone knows that when you join the army you will be standing in a lot of lines waiting for meals ... equipment and other things.... .....
well..... a moron joined the army.... . ...and like most morons he always ended up in the back of every line he had to stand in... .. as a result he ended up with either substandard equipment.... or no equipment at all... .. and he even went hungry...... ..
because he was in the back of the chow line they always ran out of food before they got to him.... so he got very skinny.....
they also ran out of uniforms before they got to him so they told him to just wear his street clothes.... since he was a moron everyone would understand....
and being at the back of the rifle line they had also run out of rifles....so they handed him a broomstick and told him to point it at whatever he wanted to shoot and yell... "bangety bang bang!"..... since he was a moron everything would be fine.....
and at the line for bayonettes they handed him a carrot to put on the end of his broomstick and told him to yell "stickety stick stick!" any time he thrust his carrot toward the target..... ..they told him all morons do this kind of thing in every army, and everything works out great.....
so in his street clothes and with his carrot equipped broom stick, the moron went out onto the rifle range with his fellow soldiers.... ... ....and to his surprise any time he pointed his broomstick at a target and yelled "bangety bang bang" a huge hole appeared where he had been aiming.... the same thing happened at the bayonette target .... ....by yelling "stickety stick stick" he ripped the target apart with the carrot on the end of his broomstick in a way nobody could have imagined.....
eventually the army went to war.... and the moron became very successfull at felling enemy soldiers by pointing his broomstick at advancing soldiers and yelling "bangety bang bang"...... before long the field in front of him was filled with fallen enemy soldiers.... ..in time he became well known... and the enemy began to fear him..... ...
but then one day on the battle field, he saw an enemy soldier coming towards him that didn;t fall when he pointed his stick and yelled "bangety bang bang".... this soldier kept coming...... he appeared to be invincible.... .. and what;s more he was wearing civilian clothes just like him..... he was also skinny.... .our army moron suddenly realized he was looking at an enemy moron from the other side....
so now he tried even harder..... he pointed his broom stick at the enemy moron and yelled "bangety bang bang!" even louder.... ..over and over again.... .. but it didn;t work..... the enemy moron just kept walking toward him, slowly and deliberately without missing a step.. ...the army moron began to be afraid.... .. eventually the enemy moron was right in front of him and the army moron thrust the carrot on the end of his broom stick at him and yelled "stickety stick stick!".... but the carrot just shattered into pieces when it hit the enemy moron.... the enemy moron continued to advance and remained uninjured....
finally the enemy moron pushed our army moron down and walked right over him..... trampling him... and crushing him into the ground... .. and as the poor army moron died he heard the enemy moron chanting.... "tankety tank tank...... .tankety tank tank"......
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RE: PUNS, JOKES and FUNNIES....
aleshanee > 12-16-2020, 06:53 PM
today is beethoven's 250th birthday..... ... so i figured a beethoven joke might in order....
an old cemetery in germany was being relocated many years ago... ...... .. and one of the graves happened to be that of Ludwig Van Beethoven.... when they removed the dirt and lifted his coffin out of the grave, workers were startled to hear scratching noises coming from inside.... they quickly opened it up to see what was making the noise and found a small well dressed man sitting amidst piles of sheet music holding a large rubber eraser.... and he was furiously erasing all the notes and markings on the papers.....
"who are you?".... one of the workers asked....
the man looked up for a moment and replied... "I'm Ludwig Van Beethoven"
"but you are supposed to be dead!"... exclaimed the worker....
'I am dead...".. said the man in the coffin... then he continued to furiously erase the notes on the sheet music...
"Well.... " the worker asked in a state of shock... "what in the world are you doing?.."
Beethoven replied... "Decomposing..."
